“It\u2018s the coarseness of the world I don\u2019t appreciate.\u00a0 How it passes judgment on me without no never mind for what I seen or where I been or what damn things have been done to me that no one deserved.\u00a0 You follow me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bus lurched, and Sarah jerked back against the plastic-molded seat on which she sat. She looked up from her phone at the man across the aisle from her. Initially, she thought he was talking to himself and had paid no attention to him until his question made it obvious his words were addressed to her. A man with a white beard and long gray-black hair that he had tied behind him with a purple ribbon so that it formed an unruly mane that spread down his back stared back at her. The ponytail exposed ears with visible thin purple and red veins. A broad flat nose and receding hairline, sparsely populated with wild hairs that made their own decisions about what direction they grew, completed the picture. Some lay flat, others twisted, over his reddened scalp; and others stood straight up as if to rebuke the waywardness of their neighbors. He leaned forward, an earnest, inquisitive expression on a face that jutted toward Sarah as he waited for an answer, eyes open wide. Not once did he lower them to give her body the once over, which surprised her, since so many men did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah dropped her phone onto her lap, before it slid off onto the wet rubber tracks of the bus\u2019s walkway. She flinched, startled after dropping it, anxious and at the interruption. She reached down for her phone and her hand made contact with his, for he beat her to it, and she was surprised at the quickness of his movements. His belly was folded over his belt and ballooned beneath his waist. His pants stretched until she thought the seams might split apart. He handed the phone back to her, two pudgy fingers holding its upper left corner like a teacup at an English garden party.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t mean nothing by it,\u201d he said to her as she took the phone back.\u00a0 <\/em>\u201cIt was a philosophical question, you understand.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to give no answer if you don\u2019t want.\u201d\u00a0 He paused, and so did she, unable to think of a reply.\u00a0 The bus swayed as its tires rolled down the slick street, swinging them both back and forth.\u00a0 Outside, snow fell heavily, big flakes mossy and abundant.\u00a0 They were the only passengers aboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m Paul,\u201d he announced after she wiped the cover of the phone clean. He did not ask for Sarah\u2019s name in return, though the request was implied. But she did not offer it, nor say anything to him. He appeared uneasy as he considered her refusal to speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI ain\u2019t drunk.\u201d\u00a0 He said sheepishly, which made her imagine a little boy telling a fib to his mother.\u00a0 His words and the sadness reflected in his face, with all its innocence. Sarah found herself warming up to him, despite her fear of strangers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI never thought you were.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He smiled, his teeth stained yellow and brown, his lips pulled tautly upward accentuating his plump, red cheeks, as if this was the happiest moment of his life. Sarah smiled back with less enthusiasm, bemused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n That morning, over coffee, Steff wasn\u2019t talking to her, still angry over their argument the night before. They sat across from one another at the breakfast counter. Steff hadn\u2019t touched her coffee since she set their two cups on the counter. Her arms were crossed firmly over her chest, and her legs were tightly crossed, her back straight, a posture that suggested she intended to squeeze away any hope of reconciliation, a rigid and unyielding presence. She stared out the window that opened onto their small balcony, from which Sarah could just make out, through the bare branches of oaks and birches, the river, its grey water flowing beneath unseen clouds above. Snow fell steadily, tiny particles that melted as they hot the street, but they did collect on the grass and the trees, as fine as dust. The forecast predicted more snow, falling temperatures and blizzard conditions by the evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah did not speak either, waiting for Steff to make the first move because she didn\u2019t know what to say, and feared her words or the tone of her voice would come off wrong, would fail to convey the sorrow she felt, afraid that Steff wouldn\u2019t hear her out, still angry over Sarah\u2019s aloof and cruel remarks from the night before when she refused Steff attempt at seduction.\u00a0 Excuses for what she\u2019d done kept running through Sarah\u2019s head. True, she\u2019d been exhausted, and also true she hadn\u2019t been in the mood. Steff\u2019s persistent flirtatiousness was annoying.\u00a0 All she wanted to do was climb into bed, curl up and go to sleep. But Steff wouldn\u2019t take no for an answer, and Sarah finally had enough, and lashed out, attacking Steff where she was most vulnerable, her looks. Sarah\u2019s patience had abandoned her, and she said what she said without thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Upon waking alone, she recognized her rejection of Steff, the words she used, cut too deep, exposing the fear Steff carried with her every day, though she hid it well beneath that rough fa\u00e7ade of I-don\u2019t-give-a-shit-what-you-think-of-me<\/em> she presented to the world.\u00a0 Sarah knew Steff struggled with feeling undesirable, even unworthy of being loved. Sarah hadn\u2019t meant to trigger Steff that way, but she also knew that\u2019s not \u00a0how Steff took it.\u00a0 Sarah regretted her words the moment she said them: stupid, bitter, unguarded little things that came out in a moment of unthinking irritation. How she wished she could take them back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah drank the coffee Steff made them in silence, anger and shame the dipole that kept the two of them apart, as they watched the falling snow. Minutes passed.\u00a0 An unbearable anxiety formed in Sarah\u2019s gut and moved upward through her chest until she felt the pounding of her heart in her ears. So, she spoke first, unable to tolerate that silence a moment longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI hear it\u2019s supposed to do this all day. Ten inches\u2014maybe more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Steff raised her cup of coffee (black, unlike Sarah\u2019s with its six creamers) and took a sip. The only evidence of emotion Sarah could see were red streaks, resembling scars, which obscured the whites of Steff\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, I heard that. It\u2019ll get colder, too. You\u2019d better hurry up and go run your errands before it gets worse out.\u201d <\/em>She pushed her chair away from the table. \u201cYour hair\u2019s still wet. You took your shower, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHalf hour ago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen the water ought to be hot again. I\u2019ll take mine now, if that\u2019s all right with you.\u201d She emphasized the last phrase, a jab that made Sarah cringe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOkay. Sure.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Steff \u00a0pushed her chair away and stood up, then headed to the bathroom, undressing as she went, her bare feet thumping loudly on the hardwood floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah finished her coffee in one gulp. It left a sour aftertaste in her mouth.\u00a0 The hair dryer was in the bedroom by the small vanity where she kept her makeup.\u00a0 Her makeup, not Steff\u2019s for Steff never wore any. As hot air from the dryer tossed the strands of her hair every which way, Sarah brushed them vigorously until her scalp hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul continued the conversation as the bus rumbled along, slower than usual because of the snow piling up on the roadway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI was a somebody, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cReally?\u201d Sarah replied to show she was listening. She did her best to say as little as possible. One, because she got the idea he needed an audience, and two, because she didn\u2019t want to tell him anything about herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh yes! He said. \u201cIt probly don\u2019t seem it the way I look now, but I was important. Had a house in Exeter. You know Exeter?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure.\u201d\u00a0 Exeter was a gated community along the river west of where Sarah\u2019s apartment building. It was where the new money lived. The homes, though different in scale and layout, looked eerily alike on their five to ten acre plots, all carefully landscaped, many with new trees. Large homes, some rivaling the size of a small museum. Hedges acted as privacy walls, and they all came with long driveways on which luxury cars could be seen sitting alone for days at a time, like metal monuments.\u00a0 Sarah once attended a party at a home in Exeter thrown by a friend from school who married the managing partner of a major law firm located in the City\u2019s financial district.\u00a0 Steff had refused to go.\u00a0 \u201cOne look at me and they\u2019ll call the cops,\u201d she said at the time, only half in jest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPeople came every weekend to meet with me,\u201d Paul continued. \u201cThe mayor, you know, and members of the city council and \u2026 and I held a fund raiser for the governor once. Governor Evans, you know, very bright guy, very friendly. We were pals. Had only good words for my two daughters, my wife \u2026\u201d His voice trailed off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Evans had been Governor more than a decade earlier.\u00a0 He\u2019d resigned over some financial scandal involving gifts from various companies that did business with the state. There were rumors he had an affair with young female lobbyist.\u00a0 A couple of his aides were convicted, but Evans himself avoided prison.\u00a0 His wife divorced him about a year that, though she’d moved out months earlier.\u00a0 Irreconcilable differences the papers reported.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMe?\u201d\u00a0 Paul hesitated, and seemed confused.\u00a0 \u201cOh.\u00a0 Well, I was a banker, you know.\u00a0 Really big bank.\u00a0 Well, more a fixer, really.\u00a0 They called me in whenever a deal looked to go south.\u00a0 I knew stuff.\u00a0 How to work out any \u2013 damn, what\u2019s the word I want \u2013 issues, I guess.\u00a0 I knew how to deal with issues.\u00a0 Knew the right people.\u00a0 Got things done.\u00a0 Fixed ’em.\u00a0 Big Pauly. They all called me that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat happened to you?\u00a0 I mean why are you here on this bus looking like \u2026\u201d Sarah cut herself off, because, after all, it really wasn\u2019t any of her business.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike a bum?\u201d Pauly said.\u00a0 <\/em>“Oh, you know\u2014the usual.\u00a0 Feds.\u00a0 SEC.\u00a0 Damn State Attorney General looking to make a name for himself.\u00a0 Got to have a scapegoat.\u00a0 Someone has to be the fall guy.\u00a0 So, I got picked.\u00a0 Short straw, you know. The bank got a slap on the wrist.\u00a0 Fines.\u00a0 I got ten years in Allentown.\u00a0 You know Allentown?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFederal prison?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Yeah, that’s the one.\u00a0 Not terrible, but still prison.\u00a0 Out after three, but it was all gone by then.\u00a0 Divorced, bankruptcy.\u00a0 My old pals refused to see me.\u00a0 Turd in the punch bowl and all.” \u00a0<\/em>He hesitated a second, then said, \u201c<\/em>Pardon my French.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo worries.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t mean to be crude. Just the way it was.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan I ask what they convicted you of?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDoes it matter?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo. I guess not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou know how sharks is? How you deal with them when they start circling? You throw chum in the water to distract them. Well I was the chum, see?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure. Got it.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI had nothing on nobody.\u00a0 Kept no records of anything. Not of meetings, conversations, money passed, et cetera, et cetera.\u00a0 Had nothing to give the Feds or the AG.\u00a0 Just my word and that was nothing without a record to back it up.\u00a0 I was careless.\u00a0 I got along, you know.\u00a0 Big Pauly.\u00a0 Good old Big Pauly.\u00a0 Kept everything up here.\u201d He tapped his forehead.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s the way they wanted it, you know. No paper trail.\u00a0 Nothing recorded. So, when the shit came down\u2014you don\u2019t mind I said shit, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah shook your head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen the shit came down, it was easy to make me out as the rotted apple, you know?\u00a0 My own fault. Too trusting. Thought my pals would come to the rescue. Like I said, stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do you do now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMe? I ain\u2019t got nothing. Great unwashed. Statistic.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou have a place to live?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe bus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis bus?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh yeah. See, this bus here runs all night. I beg downtown from eight to five. Regular hours, like anyone. Heck, less than I used to work. Then I go to the Salvation Army or one of the shelters to eat. Buy a bottle when I can. No bottle tonight, though. Bad day at the office.\u201d <\/em>He laughed at his own joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou have no one? What about your daughters?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWith their mother, you know. Don\u2019t see them. Don\u2019t want them to see me, neither. Not like things is now. You know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He stopped talking, and looked down at his feet.\u00a0 The hair on top of his head looked greasy, what little there was of it.\u00a0 His beard had little bits of food caught within its maze of bushy curls.\u00a0 Some gravy or soup stains, too.\u00a0 She wondered when he last bathed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo, girls are with my ex.\u00a0 California, last I heard\u2014or maybe Arizona?\u00a0 She remarried, you know.\u00a0 Good looker. When we split, knew she\u2019d find someone else.\u00a0 Land on her feet.\u00a0 Not blaming her, you know.\u00a0 I knew when we married what the deal was.\u00a0 Beautiful women don\u2019t marry slobs like Big Pauly less they got a good reason.\u00a0 Miss her sometimes though.\u00a0 She weren\u2019t mean about it, just practical.\u00a0 Miss the girls more.\u00a0 You know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah nodded. <\/p>\n\n\n\n * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n The shower turned off, but the door remained closed. Sarah finished dressing, her face already done. About to walk out the door, about to shout a hopeless goodbye, out of the corner of her eye she spotted the bonsai, the one Steff gave her, sitting alone on a side table in the living room under a grow lamp, the only place where it could be kept warm in the winter. She stopped. Took a step toward it and then another and another, then passed through the kitchen and the dining area into the living room. She stood over it looking at its beauty, so unexpected, so\u2014wondrous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe bonsai bloomed!\u201d she shouted. Sarah started yelling, going on about the bonsai\u2019s single big flower, its perfect white petals and perfect fragrance, very subtle\u2014not overpowering but distinctly memorable.\u00a0 Not once in the sixteen months since Steff gave Sarah the little Gardenia<\/em> jasminoides<\/em> tree, had it budded, much less flowered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat?\u201d <\/em>Steff shouted back.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t hear what you said!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah found her standing by the bathroom countertop, stark naked, hands on her hips and looking at her figure as it turned itself within the mirror. The tattoos that covered her back and circled around to her belly glistened from the drops of water clinging to her skin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe bonsai bloomed,\u201dsaid Sarah, this time softer but with the same excitement. \u201cPlease, come with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A look of disbelief appeared, but Steff followed Sarah out of the bathroom, her hair still damp, drops dripping from her hips and legs where she hadn\u2019t scrubbed herself dry, her towel wrapped around her shoulders. When they arrived at the bonsai, she didn\u2019t say anything for a full minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt’s beautiful, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 she said in a murmur.\u00a0 \u201cHow bright it is against the darkness of the leaves. I can\u2019t believe it.\u00a0 After so long, I\u2019d given up.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n “When this happen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. Last night, I guess. I saw it just as I was about to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah grabbed Steff\u2019s arms, pulling her around so they stood face to face. Stef was taller by a good six inches and heavier by thirty pounds, all of it muscle, but she didn\u2019t resist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDear one, please forgive me. I was wrong, so very wrong what I said last night. Please, it was a mistake, a stupid, dumb mistake. I was horrible to you. I would do anything to have those words back. Anything. Whatever you ask, I\u2019ll do it. I love you so much, so much, I \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Steff stopped Sarah from continuing by placing a finger on her lips.\u00a0 Gently, Steff took her hand and wrapped it around Sarah\u2019s neck.\u00a0 She pulled Sarah to her bare shoulder, and Sarah rested her head there, face nuzzling collarbones still damp and cool.\u00a0 The rouge on Sarah\u2019s cheek smeared off onto Steff\u2019s right breast.\u00a0 She lifted Sarah\u2019s head with a finger until they were looking into each other\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Steff smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDo you know why I give you beautiful things like the bonsai? It\u2019s because you<\/em> are beautiful. And beautiful needs to be surrounded by beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah started to shake her head, but Steff interrupted the movement with her strong hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t argue,\u201d she said in a voice without any anger in it, only the low raspy tone that first attracted Sarah to her. Her cigarette voice she called it once. \u201cYou\u2019re precious to me, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOkay.\u201dSarah let herself be led her to the bedroom. Once inside, Steff tossed Sarah on the bed and then slowly removed all of her clothes, piece by piece.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy errands.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat errands?\u00a0 You don\u2019t have no stinking errands,\u201dBoth laughed and giggled, and did other things until the morning wore away and the afternoon as well.\u00a0 Meanwhile, snowflakes fell ever faster outside the window, oblivious to the two lovers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s the coarseness of the world, you see.\u00a0 You know what I mean now.\u00a0 That all this could happen and yet nothing is changed except my life.\u00a0 All the others, they go on like nothing happened.\u00a0 They got no concern for Big Pauly.\u00a0 I\u2019m just a grain of sand to them, a speck, you know.\u00a0 So tiny I don\u2019t matter, so tiny I\u2019m invisible. But I don\u2019t appreciate it.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t the way the world ought to be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry Paul,\u201dSarah said.\u00a0 Looking at the large imposing man, a mass of flesh three times her size, she realized he had a point. The world is coarse, and he and I and everyone else are just so tiny compared to the vastness of it. <\/em>\u00a0The wind blows on everyone, and some suffer things they don\u2019t deserve, and some receive rewards they haven\u2019t earned; and there’s rarely any justice when all is said and done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pauly eyed the shopping bag at her feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou buy something for yourself?\u201d <\/em>he asked \u201cSomething nice? Clothes? Perfume?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat? Oh no, I bought that for my partner. A present.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYour partner?\u00a0 You not married then, huh? So is this guy, is he good to you.\u00a0 He treat you right? I always treated my wife right, you know.\u00a0 Never hit her, nothing like that.\u00a0 Anything she asked, I got her, no questions asked? So, he\u2019s a good guy, this partner?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s not a guy.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot a guy?\u00a0 You mean\u2014whadda you mean?\u201d The way he sounded made Sarah uncomfortable, made her remember why she had a rule about taking to strangers in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy partner\u2019s a woman.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been together for five years.\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>when he didn’t respond, Sarah kept talking, hoping she was wrong about him.\u00a0 \u201cWe had a silly fight last night, and well, we made up, but I thought\u2014well, I thought I should buy her a present.\u00a0 To show her I love her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo you a dyke, is that it?\u201d Paul\u2019s tone wasn\u2019t so friendly anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t like that word Paul.\u00a0 But yes, I’m a lesbian, I guess\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe guesses she\u2019s a dyke.\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>He spoke louder now, more strident.\u00a0 \u201c<\/em>How the fuck do you not know what you is, huh?\u00a0 You sleep with dykes and you guess you\u2019re a dyke?\u00a0 What the fuck?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPaul, please don’t use that word.\u00a0 It bothers me.\u00a0 And to answer you, I tried lots of relationships with men.\u00a0 I was even engaged once, and \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, so now you were fucking engaged.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes, well \u2026 but then I met Steff and she was different from all the men I ever dated. Better, for me, I mean. Look, I\u2019m sorry if it bothers you to talk about it, okay? Why don\u2019t we just drop the subject?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBother me?\u00a0 Bother me? No, it don\u2019t fucking bother me, you fucking lesbo dyke.\u00a0 It don\u2019t bother me I been talking to you this whole time never knowing you was a fucking pervert.\u00a0 Why should it fucking bother me?\u00a0 Do I bother you, huh, Mrs. I\u2019m a fucking lesbian?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He was shouting now, eyes narrowed, and the ugliness of his expression frightened Sarah.\u00a0 All at once, the bus started sliding sideways, the back end fishtailing. \u00a0Both Sarah and Paul slipped, and Sarah grabbed hold of a nearby metal pole to keep herself from falling off her seat.\u00a0 The next thing she knew, the bus driver was walking down the aisle toward his two passengers.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPauly, I warned you. I warned you, man.\u201d The driver was a black man with a grey beard, maybe sixty years old, smaller than Paul, but there was no fat on his body. He must work out a lot<\/em>, Sarah thought. He looked like a body builder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut she\u2019s a fucking dyke, John!\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t have talked to her if I knew that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t care what she is, you got me? You know the rules, Pauly. I let you ride this bus all night, let you sleep on the benches, hell I even buy you a sandwich now and then. And I don\u2019t have to do none of that, now do I?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, but\u2026\u201d\u00a0 <\/em>Paul was upset, and Sarah could see he was afraid of the bus driver. Feared him at least as much as she feared Paul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere ain’t no but about it, Pauly. Now get off my bus, right here, right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut John, it\u2019s snowing outside. It\u2019s cold. I don\u2019t have no proper coat. I got no place to go. You want I should die in this shit?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere\u2019s the Sisters of Mercy shelter six blocks down McCravey Street, due north. I think you can make it there before you freeze anything important. Get out or I\u2019m gonna kick your ass right here. Now get!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul rose to his feet with as much dignity as he could muster and walked to the front of the bus with John following him the whole time. John swung open the door and Paul shambled down the steps until he was on the street about a foot away from the sidewalk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI can still ride tomorrow night, can\u2019t I John? Please. I didn\u2019t mean nothing. You know I didn\u2019t, right? I promise it won\u2019t never happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see. You got two strikes on you, Pauly. You understand me. Two strikes, man. I ain\u2019t losing my job over you, you got that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul said something that sounded like an apology, then the bus door closed. Sarah watched Paul stumble off in the thick snow that was still falling, swirling fast and hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n John walked to the back of the bus. Sarah trembled as he approached, adrenaline still rushing through her system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou all right, Ma\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes,\u201dshe said. <\/em>\u201cI\u2019m fine, really, I am. I was just a little scared there for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I woulda stopped sooner but you have to be careful with all this crap going on out there. Damn bus don\u2019t stop as easy as you like when it\u2019s like this.\u201d <\/em>He gestured to the window.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIs he\u2014 is he dangerous?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPauly? No. Least not most of the time. He\u2019s just a little off, is all. Most of the time he just sits there or he sleeps. Sometimes he talks to people. He does like to talk about himself. I let him ride my bus as a courtesy. Only time I ever had trouble with him before was when some young gay kid got on. Started yelling and carrying on just like he did with you tonight. Never got beyond the yelling stage, though. I guess he don\u2019t take kindly to you people for some reason. But that don\u2019t justify what he did. I\u2019m real sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, it\u2019s okay.\u00a0 I should thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s all right. Listen, how close are you from your home? I\u2019ll take you right there, even if it\u2019s not strictly on my route. Least I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c325 Park Avenue. The apartment building. Do you know it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh sure. Have you there in five.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan I\u2014can I come sit up front with you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n John laughed. \u201cHey, you see anyone else in here? Sit where you like.\u201d Sarah followed him to the front of the bus and watched as he turned the bus slowly back into the middle of the street. There no other traffic on the road, only a few people trudging along the sidewalks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cJohn?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes, Ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWas what he said about himself true?<\/p>\n\n\n\n John\u2019s eyes were dark and piercing. \u201cI don\u2019t know? What\u2019d he say?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She re-told the story as best she remembered it: the bank, the conviction, his time in prison , the wife and two kids, the divorce.\u00a0 The more she told, the more indeterminate it sounded, a mere skeleton wrapped in vague references that permitted a person to fill in the gaps and inconsistencies using their imagination.\u00a0 Sarah wondered whether any of it was true.\u00a0 When\u00a0 finished, John shook his head and whistled to himself, a long extended note.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell that\u2019s a new one to me. I heard a lot of Pauly\u2019s stories, but I never heard about him being any hotshot banker before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut could it be true?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWho knows? A lot of these folks on the street ain\u2019t right in the head. A lot of them, they got mental problems if you get me. I\u2019m just saying I never heard that one before is all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo what do you think of him? Is he just a bullshit artist?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMa\u2019am, all I know is he\u2019s a man down on his luck, no job, no home, and he drinks too much.\u00a0 Maybe a little crazy, too, but then if you had his life, maybe you\u2019d be the same.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n Long after midnight, Sarah turned the key in the lock to her apartment, entered and then quickly shut the door. All the lights were off except the one by the bonsai tree in the living room. The bulb cast a yellowish hue. Sarah walked over to it and looked again at the flower, which appeared larger than before. The blossom was fully opened up, its petals glowing with a faint greenish tint created by the way light reflected off the leaves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah found Steff fast asleep wearing the boxer shorts that were her standard bedroom attire. She must have rolled over because one leg was atop the sheets and her bare back was exposed. The window blinds, half-opened, cast shadow ribbons across her body. Sarah undressed and climbed into bed. She needed to feel the warmth of Steff\u2019s body. Draping her arm around her lover\u2019s shoulder, Sarah kissed the nape of Steff\u2019s neck, again and again, soft quick kisses as she snuggled in next to her. Steff sighed, but didn\u2019t wake up. Not that it mattered.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “It\u2018s the coarseness of the world I don\u2019t appreciate.\u00a0 How it passes judgment on me without no never mind for what I seen or where I been or what damn…<\/p>\n